Porn. It’s a word we’ve all heard. We are all exposed to soft porn most days in some way or another. Lingerie models. Racy novels. Sex and nudity in movies. Just to name a few.

And yes, I would be as bold as to say that every man, even if your husband is a devoted Christian, has seen porn. The more hardcore stuff.

My husband looked at porn. Every day. Deliberately. He searched for it. He sought it out. He stole magazines from shops. He watched porn on VHS. He watched it on TV. He looked for it on the internet. He watched it on his phone. He craved it. It became more hardcore, more vulgar, more violent. It consumed him. He couldn’t wait for his next fix.

He first saw porn when he was nine years old. It’s not the way a nine-year-old could easily stumble across porn now. It wasn’t as easy or as accessible. We are talking twenty-seven years ago! He was addicted by the time he was twelve.

 

But soon after we started dating, his life changed. He had “become a Christian” but did nothing to change his darkest secret. But one day, he read a book. And it can be summed up in this simple question,

“Do you want to be a male or a man?”

From that day on, his life, his attitude changed. He changed.

He decided that it was a fight worth fighting. At that point, there was no fancy filtering software. He had to do it by bouncing his eyes. He also learnt Bible verses to bring to mind when he was tempted. He found people to be accountable to.

But fighting porn isn’t easy. He asked me to change seemingly modest clothing because it was too tight, too low, etc. At the time, I did get frustrated. But the more he talked, the more I understood how hard it was for him. And, frankly, the stuff he told me over the years scared me into becoming aware of the way I dressed. I didn’t know that when a guy looked at me, he could literally “take a picture” of me in detail and masturbate over my body or have a sexual experience with me in his mind. This sounds sick, perverted and unusual. But, let me tell you, it is not unusual. Us women have no idea! NO idea what guys think. And, I’m sad to say, few are man enough to admit to this. It is common and I guarantee that every guy addicted to porn has done it. This is something every woman needs to know. I don’t know about you, but after the initial shock, I felt an intense sadness for guys who were actually trying to fight this whilst being swamped by insensitive fashion trends, bikinis, low-cut jeans and tight clothing.

 

This is not just some disgusting perversion. It is an addiction. There is scientific research on the negative effects of porn on the brain, the way it messes with relationships and creates unrealistic sexual expectations and problems with the physical and emotional act of sex for both men and women. Don’t believe me? Go Google it. The websites, articles and research abound! It’s mind-blowing! It’s frightening! It’s a reality! And, people, that is why I don’t feel ashamed to be so blunt. The truth needs to be told. Porn needs to stop being a taboo subject. People need to talk! Because there are men and women out there who recognise the harmful effects, they want to stop viewing porn, but, without help, they can’t because it is an addiction.

In July 2018, the World Health Organisation declared sex addiction as a mental disorder.

“This could be sex with a partner, masturbation, pornography use, visiting prostitutes or using chat lines. In some cases, people feel unable to control their urges, which affects their quality of life and those around them. According to the WHO, compulsive sexual behaviour disorder is defined as an inability to control intense sexual urges leading to people neglecting their health despite often deriving no pleasure from being intimate.”

– Mail Online (check out the article here)

 

The State of Minnesota passed a bill in July this year linking pornography to human trafficking. Take a look at two websites that discuss this new bill – Minnesota House of Representatives and Covenant Eyes.

We need to sit up and take note! We need to take our heads out the sand and help people who are too ashamed to talk about this, too scared of what other people might think and can’t fight this fight alone.

 

You might wonder why I’ve suddenly decided to speak up about porn. Well, honestly, I couldn’t be prouder! I’ve been quiet this past week because my husband has been preparing for an event. He has just started an organisation called Break Free to educate people on the damaging effects of pornography on the brain, on relationships and on society; to help people fight their addiction and to tell his story. This past weekend, he hosted a seminar along with a local psychologist and a cyber security expert to expose the reality of pornography. School heads attended. Counsellors attended. And the feedback was fantastic! Everyone said that they would recommend the seminar. Many told us that people need to hear this talk.

So, actually, this is a brag about my husband! He has had a long, hard road fighting this battle. And it’s a battle he continues to fight. And I am so proud of him! So proud to stand beside a man who was man enough to admit he had a problem, man enough to seek help, man enough to commit to the tough slog ahead of him, man enough to love me more than his porn addiction, dedicated enough to me to give it up and man enough to set pride and shame aside to talk about his battle with the world. And, guys, he would be the first to tell you that this was a battle that he could only fight in God’s strength! It was not something he could have fought without God’s Word guiding him every step of the way. God is his motivation. You can’t say you’re a Christian and not live like one. Things had to change and God was his strength and his refuge and his help in times of deep trouble. And, by His grace, my husband has been victorious! All praise to God!

 

Check out my man’s website:

Break Free

 

Let’s be the change, let’s talk and let’s help people fight this!

 

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