Yes, it’s true! I can hardly believe it myself. 12 weeks, I think, have gone by and a little heart beats inside me.

 

Yes, we want another child. No, we weren’t planning on such a small gap. But, thank God that His plans are bigger than ours.

 

I’ve always wanted a big family. When I was a child, I used to pray that my mom would fall pregnant. I remember other pre-teens being mortified that their mom fell pregnant and, secretly, I was jealous! Honestly, I would never have been upset if my mom had fallen pregnant while I was in early high school. I loved babies and fought over them at church. So, when planning my life (haha!) I wanted to start a family young. We were married when I was 22 and, at the time, I wanted to have our first around 24.

But, I do recall reaching my 24th birthday and thinking that I didn’t feel mature enough to be a mom. Apart from that, after waiting 7 years to marry my man, our early years alone were a precious and long-awaited gift.

As 26 approached, I began to get concerned. I knew that I certainly didn’t want to wait past then. I would love four children. And, planning age gaps, I want to fit them in all before 35. Time was ticking. But our plans are not God’s plans.

 

I didn’t have to wait too much longer. Our daughter arrived not too long after my 27th birthday. There’s still time to fulfil the dream.

 

I remember wondering a few months after her birth if I was pregnant. I expressed this to my husband who smiled and said he’d be really excited if I was.

I, on the other hand, was not ready. Too soon! Too soon!

I have never had the “How do people have more kids?!?” moment but the feeling that it was too soon was there.

 

 

When she hit 7 months, broodiness hit too. A few months later, I was back to being prepared to wait until the end of this year.

 

Well, December is not quite in sight, and by the time it is, my bump will be very much in sight.

 

I must admit, it’s still very surreal.

Did anyone else find this the second time around?

 

I think because it was a little unexpected, I wasn’t prepared. And when a pregnancy test shows negative and then a few weeks later, it’s positive…

 

This time, things are very different.

 

With our daughter, I found out before the morning sickness hit. This time I found out because the morning sickness hit. With our little girl, I had a chance to enjoy being pregnant before I walked around feeling sorry for myself. This time, I was feeling sorry for myself already.

 

Morning sickness is different this time as well. Previously, it was evening sickness…a “naar” feeling from around 4 until 7. Oh and gagging on breakfast even though it was just a normal morning I’m-hungry-so-I-need-to-eat-so-I-don’t-feel-sick kind of feeling.

This time…! This time I have a lingering nausea the whole day! Great with a toddler! I just eat to make it go away! Weird how when one feels nausea in any other circumstances, eating is the last thing one feels like doing. Somehow, food works in this scenario. The only problem is that I can’t really tell my child she can’t eat Marie biscuits if I’m scoffing them. I think this is why she learnt the word “please” so quickly. She was too cute to refuse!

 

I’m also craving different things. Definitely more sweet things this time. Savoury just isn’t doing it for me. But some things haven’t changed. I suspected I was pregnant when the lemon slice that came with a Fishaways takeaway looked like the best thing ever. I sat on the grass at the petrol station enjoying it. Dairy products are also suddenly more appealing. I hate drinking milk straight but, after trying (and failing) to get my daughter to drink some the other day, I finished it for her and actually enjoyed it! Bland food is always the best. Most enjoyed meal so far – sausages, mash, peas and mushy butternut. Yum!

And then, we all have to crave some junk food! This was mine…

 

 

There are some other swell things about being pregnant – UTI’s and thrush are pretty fun! UTI last time. This time thrush! Lovely! I even got a free applicator with the cream! It’s beautiful!

 

And, if I thought I could take it easy this time – ha! With my daughter, I wasn’t allowed to lift a finger at school. People helped me carry everything. Now, life goes on. This baby is squashed by a toddler regularly. Washing has to be done. And I have no fairy godmother to do my vacuuming, unfortunately. I won’t lie, I am a little nervous. I went into labour early last time (I think) because I pushed a toddler up a hill in a pram. A doctor did tell me that people try to get rid of their babies all the time and fail so these little ones are a lot more resilient than we think. It was some comfort!

 

I knew I’d be more relaxed the second time. But sometimes I do wonder if I’m harming this baby. Two cups of tea a day instead of one. Lots, lots, of junk food and sugar! And a lot more chocolate!! (This, however, I am determined to expose this baby to. Chocolate is my weakness and my daughter reacted even if I had one piece – yes, one of those ridiculously measly sized pieces until she was 6 months old!) And I’m just not being as careful in terms of what I do – partly because I can’t when there’s a toddler pottering about.

 

And, honestly, it’s all still very surreal! Last time, it consumed my thoughts. This time, I have a daughter consuming my time and thoughts and there’s little room for much else. I sometimes “forget” that I’m carrying another child. So I actually feel a little guilty that this poor baby is not getting much in the way of attention.  I really hope other people had this kind of an experience with their second babies! It would be nice to know I’m not alone!

 

I do wonder when reality will hit – when it will suddenly sink in.

 

Maybe I had a moment a few weeks ago. With our daughter, seeing her on the scan made me believe she was there. With this baby, it somehow didn’t have the same effect. But then…I heard the whoosh-whoosh-whoosh of that little heart beating steadily inside and then, I choked up. It felt real for the first time!

 

I am scared. I am under no illusion that it’s going to be easy. I also know that, until I’m there, I cannot comprehend just how hard things will be having two children under the age of two. I am slightly concerned about finances – although God has been so faithful in His provision so far! I also actually just can’t imagine life with two. Nor how I could love another child the way I love our daughter. But, I know without a shadow of a doubt, that we will love this child just the same!

 

I don’t worry too much about my daughter’s response to a baby coming home with me. She is obsessed with “babas” and I have not pushed this obsession in any way. The other day someone handed her doll to me and I refused to take it with me outside. I had heard “baba” about 50 times that day already and it was only 10 o’clock! But I am heartsore when I think about the way she tries to clamber up onto my lap now and if I’m holding her sibling, she’ll have to wait. I don’t know how I’m going to look into those beautiful eyes and not well up with tears myself!

 

But, when I have the time to sit, rub my slowly swelling belly, take a look at it sideways in the mirror and eat food without feeling ill, I am excited. I recently received some prem clothes back from someone I lent them to and marvelled at how small new-borns are. The months are going. The first trimester is over. And Baby B #2 is on the way!

And before you ask, no, we’re not finding out. It’s going to be A…NOTHER surprise!

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